Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
