i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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