Don't make out with my wife yet
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
