How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize