ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
