she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
