Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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