sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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