O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
