I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
