Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
