It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
