is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
