fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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