I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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