I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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