in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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