Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
