AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
