You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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