There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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