did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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