she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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