Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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