I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
