dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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