btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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