He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
