Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
