This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
