hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
