you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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