There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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