hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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