Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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