My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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