You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
everyone is single if you try hard enough
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
