i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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