dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
