Why are handjobs necessary in class?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
