Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
