he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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