I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
