i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
