at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
