Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
