I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
