i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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