so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
