im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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