i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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