Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
