just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
