Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
