I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
