Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
