so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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