The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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