I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
