you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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