4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
