At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
