Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
