Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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