Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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