Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
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My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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