I think I am morally bankrupt
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Alive.
So much puke
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
