That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
