I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
