Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
