Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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