y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
