we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
