I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
