how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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