i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
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You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says