I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
