Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing

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  (443): remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing http://tfl.nu/zq5c
  Replies (3) Good night (1846) Bad night (675)
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  (310): View more from California

  my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.

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  (310): my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet. http://tfl.nu/p26k
  Replies (36) Good night (1142) Bad night (4326)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  babies were throwing up all over the place

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  (334): babies were throwing up all over the place http://tfl.nu/onjb
  Replies (10) Good night (535) Bad night (2542)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.

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  (847): O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions. http://tfl.nu/w6f3
  Replies (17) Good night (1384) Bad night (3761)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.

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  (785): if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone. http://tfl.nu/lyyb
  Replies (31) Good night (835) Bad night (4675)
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  (845): View more from New York

  my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe

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  (845): my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe http://tfl.nu/yy5r
  Replies (10) Good night (1431) Bad night (4329)
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  (619): View more from California

  Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..

  (1-619): View more from California

  I am not bailing you of of jail

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  (619): Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now.. (1-619): I am not bailing you of of jail http://tfl.nu/exjk
  Replies (19) Good night (6331) Bad night (1164)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

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  (503): Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general. http://tfl.nu/8yi1
  Replies (9) Good night (4848) Bad night (1025)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...

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  (772): He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off... http://tfl.nu/s4wu
  Replies (3) Good night (1508) Bad night (1103)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA

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  (+44): He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA http://tfl.nu/iogl
  Replies (14) Good night (2150) Bad night (1110)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.

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  (775): They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy. (1-775): I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere. http://tfl.nu/3byv
  Replies (6) Good night (2193) Bad night (513)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!

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  (214): COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!! http://tfl.nu/kzi1
  Replies (5) Good night (1081) Bad night (683)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?

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  (218): Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube? http://tfl.nu/2h8u
  Replies (7) Good night (1871) Bad night (478)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check

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  (936): Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check http://tfl.nu/ivap
  Replies (4) Good night (733) Bad night (364)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.

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  (208): Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice. http://tfl.nu/e14u
  Replies (10) Good night (1036) Bad night (281)

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