Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I would fuck him just for his dog