if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
