I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
