last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
