the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
we should paint friendship bongs
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
