Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
