so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
